Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
dude i'm inner monologue high
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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