yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Hippo gnu deer
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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