If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
smell my finger.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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