Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
