Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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