I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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