I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
