I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
