I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
