So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
