is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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