i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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