I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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