What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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