I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
