I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
