You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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