upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
