"it" just moved
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
