dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
