she was so not down for the gang bang
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
