She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
