We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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