Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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