Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
