i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Randomize
