so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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