I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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