ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
