if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
