Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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