1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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