So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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