when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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