Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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