Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
