And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
