we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
