found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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