i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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