Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
how drunk are you?
Several
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