Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
