So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
