My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
love makes seman taste better
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize
