Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
