I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
