fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
