His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Randomize
