I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
