so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
